Katie

Katie is the second episode of the second season of New Girl, and the 26th episode overall.

Summary
Jess meets Sam, a handsome stranger who thinks she is his blind date; A regular at Nick's bar claims he is Nick from the future and Winston's mother Charmaine and sister Alisha visits. Schmidt is determined to sleep with Alisha.

Recap
Jess rantically cooking in the kitchen, making breakfast while the guys are drinking coffee and watching her. She is still reeling from being unemployed. Schmidt comments on her unconventional cooking skills, which prompts him to put money in the Douchebag Jar. He discovers a piece of artwork, Jess created out of felt, which is now hanging up in the loft. They are furious and take the picture down immediately. Nick has a talk with her, telling her that now she is unemployed she can ‘go off the grid’, but to stop making weird art. Jess disagrees with him however the next scene she is at Nick’s bar screaming “I’m off the grid!” and that she can do whatever she wants, including drinking at 11am.

Winston is grooming and getting ready for his family to visit. Schmidt confronts him, asking if his mother likes him. Winston awkwardly tells Schmidt yes, although it is clear he is lying.

Back at the bar, Jess is talking to an older man, who claims he is Nick. Andy and Bearclaw come in with a keg delivery. As they are setting up, Andy and Jess hit it off immediately. They bond over the fact that both were recently laid off. Bearclaw interrupts in attempt to also bond with Jess. After they leave, she asks Nick to give Andy him her phone number.

Schmidt asks for Winston’s blessing to hook up with his sister. Little did he realize, Winston’s mother was in the room and heard the entire conversation. While Jess is still at the bar, a tall man walks in and greets her. He introduces himself as Sam, from the dating site Cupid Match and looking for a woman named Katie. Jess is stunned by him and has a momentary lapse of judgment; she responds that she is Katie. The two start chatting, with her following along as Katie, streaming lie after lie. After all the similarities they think they have, the two start kissing.

Old Nick confronts Nick, claiming that he is him from the future. When Nick doesn’t believe him, he reveals information only Nick knows: not showering that day, a girl broke his heart, he sometimes gets mad and doesn’t know why, and that he likes being a bartender cause he has 3 feet of oak separating him from everyone else. Old Nick then puts on the same hoodie Nick is wearing, only dirtier and shabbier.

Nick asks Schmidt about the possibility of time travel. Schmidt doesn’t take him seriously when he says he met himself. Jess comes into the kitchen, claiming she had the best sex of her life the night prior, and that she lied to him about who she is. So far what Jess knows about Katie is that she is a dancer that may or may not involve puppets. When Sam walks into the room, Nick and Schmidt follow along claiming to be dancers themselves. Schmidt calls Nick the ‘Cricket the Leaper’ in which Sam asks if he can show him. To keep up with the bit, Nick starts to ‘leap’ ungracefully around the room. Sam leaves, and Jess decides her new job is to stay as this ‘Katie’. Her phone begins to beep, it is a text message from the guy at the bar. Jess now has 2 guys interested in her. Nick and Schmidt talk her through it, sharing their own experiences. For Schmidt, it was the 2nd night of Chanukah, or, “the night of the Shoshannas.” For Nick, it is every time he jet skis. The guys then claim it is unfair, as Jess has no skill to juggle men.

Winston is out with his mother and sister, along with the rest of the women's basketball team. Schmidt shows up uninvited and starts hitting on Alisha. His mother makes threats to Winston, that she would stop paying his cell phone bill if Schmidt is successful. Schmidt makes a deal with Alisha: if he wins in a one-on-one game of basketball, he gets to take her out on a date.

Jess and Andy are exchanging dirty text messages. Cece tries to help her, however Jess adds to her suggestions with even more explicit detail.

Jess answers the door, she had been expecting Andy to arrive for their date, where he would cook for her. She is surprised when Bearclaw shows up, and turns out she had been exchanging dirty text messages with him, not Andy. This leads to very awkward situations, as Jess is not interested in Bearclaw and it is obvious he is overly excited. He shows her a tattoo he did himself, of a bear claw (hence, his nickname) and arches his back repeatedly to show it ‘contracting’ its claws. Jess escapes the moment by answering her phone, it’s Nick. She expresses her anger and that he gave the wrong guy her number. Nick has a hard time understanding why she would choose Andy over Bearclaw, reason being he thinks Andy is boring and Bearclaw is hilarious. She hangs up and receives a text message from Sam simultaneously. He wants to hook up with her in the bar bathroom in 20 minutes. Just then, Bearclaw enters her room and pours his feelings out to Jess. To stop him from talking any further about his sex character, Sargent Giddy up Caruthers, she tells him that she is sick, in her face. He offers her an anal thermometer to check her temperature.

Nick is working at the bar, he is talking to future Nick. He asks him many questions: does he finish his Zombie Novel (Z is for Zombie)? Does he become successful (3 words: Hot air balloon)? Somehow Jess managed to get out of her date with Bearclaw and she shows up at the bar. Nick sees her and asks “Jess or Katie,” but she does not respond to him. Old Nick tells Nick that he will do something stupid in the future and that he must apologize to Jess.

Bearclaw is hanging out with Andy at the bar. Both go to the bathroom, the same bathroom that Jess and Sam are currently hooking up in. They are talking about Jess, how confused Andy is that Jess wasn’t interested in him, but Bearclaw. Bearclaw is over the moon with happiness that he finally found his ‘lady bear’. Jess unintentionally lets out a small moan, loud enough that Andy and Bearclaw hear and now aware that there is a woman in the bathroom. Bearclaw breaks down the door thinking she is being harmed, and surprised to find Jess with no top on the other side of the stall. Nick barges in and all three men start calling her Jess, which blows her cover as ‘Katie’ to Sam. This starts the confrontation where Jess has to come clean with everyone. She claims that because she is ‘off the grid’ it is a valid reason for her lies. Bearclaw is crying and confesses his love for Jess, which she states that is a little too strong. Andy tries to defend his friend, which results in everyone, including Bearclaw, to yell at him “Shut up Andy!” Old Nick comes into the bathroom to say his goodbye to Nick, in which Nick runs after him. He again, asks about the reason behind apologizing to Jess, which Old Nick responds with a simple “make her an old fashion.”

Back at the loft, Jess is drinking tea and Nick is making a drink. She claims that she is back on the grid because she is not someone capable of falling off in the first place. She asks him why he is making her a drink, which he reveals to her that he will hurt her in the future. She wants to know what he’s going to do; Nick tells her that he might get drunk and pee all over her pretty dresses in her closet. She says she will forgive him. There is a knock on the door, it is Sam. He tells Jess that he doesn’t care if she lied to him, and suggests they start a sexual relationship with no attachments. She agrees.

In the last scene of the episode, Schmidt is playing basketball with Alisha. He is doing several moves, including one spinning the basketball on his finger, only to hit himself in the head. When he finally passes the ball, Alisha immediately throws it at Schmidt which knocks him down.

Quotes

 * “Oh Schmidt, stop staring at my frittatas”
 * ―Jess


 * “Winston, your sister got so hot, I’m going to have to Shaq attack her. May I have your blessing, cause I’m going to be dribbling up the court, ‘boom’ technical foul, ‘boom’ illegal use of the hands.”
 * ―Schmidt

Notes & Trivia

 * So far everything that Old Nick prophesied to Young nick, has happened, i.e. hurting Jess, and the Hot Air Balloon made an appearance.

Main

 * Zooey Deschanel as Jessica Day
 * Jake Johnson as Nick Miller
 * Lamorne Morris as Winston Bishop
 * Max Greenfield as Schmidt
 * Hannah Simone as Cece Meyers

Guest

 * David Walton as Sam Sweeney
 * Josh Gad as Bearclaw
 * Raymond J. Barry as Old Nick
 * Anna Maria Horsford as Charmaine
 * Keenyah Hill as Alisha