A Time to Travel/Transcript

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1 (Snoring) Cyd, wake up. Cyd, wake up. Cyd, wake up! (Snores) Really? (Grunts) Cyd, I think you fell out of bed. Shelby, if you woke me up before the alarm went off I didn't. (Beeping) Okay, I did. I just couldn't sleep. I'm so excited that my best friend is living with me forever. Well, just until my parents get back from their archeological dig in Peru. Well, yeah, but that's gonna be, like, three years. Unless they get entombed. Then it will be forever. (Gasps) Was it bad that I said that? I just love that you're staying here. I love it, too. Which is why I haven't zipped you inside my heavy bag for waking me up in the morning. (Yells) You say scary things sometimes. You love it when I say scary things sometimes. Well, you're just so good at it. I am good at it. It's pretty cool your parents are letting me stay here. Well, of course, they are. They love you. My whole family loves you. Your brothers definitely love me. Did you see this video they sent me? These flowers are for you, Cyd. I'm giving her flowers, Chet. No, I'm giving her flowers, Brett. (Grunts) Well, aside from that, me and Diesel are gonna be real happy here. Yeah, don't you think Diesel would be happier living outside? (Growling) We can't let him hit the streets. He'll fall right back into the thug life. Hey, I was thinking maybe we could put up some of my stuff, you know, make my side of the room a little more me. Wow! Uh, yeah, maybe we can put zom-bozo up later. Or never. Mom: Girls, time to get your Monday on! Coming, Mom! Hurry up, let's get to school. I'm asking Cameron to the dance today. I put together one of my big, crazy, elaborate plans. You know how I love to do things big, right, Cyd? (Snores) Really? I'm so hungry. If I don't get some food in me right now, my stomach's gonna take me out back and beat me with a phone book. No, we have to hurry. If my brothers hear us they'll Ow! Cyd, because you're so special We wanted to say "Yo Rick?" Who's Rick? Yours was supposed to say "you. " And yours was supposed to say "rock. " You ruined it, Chet! No, you ruined it, Brett! But I didn't get to have breakfast. We have to stop by Barry's lab on the way to school. He's helping me ask Cameron to the dance. I probably should've mentioned this before I moved in with you, but I have this weird condition where I need to eat. No time. Barry, open up, it's us! Smell this. Both: Ugh! Nasty! Yes, it is. Now smell this. Both: Ugh! What are you doing? A behavioral study to see if people will continue to smell things after the first thing smells terrible. Here, smell this. Ugh, why did I do that? That's what I'm trying to figure out. Hey, guys! Both: Hey, Naldo. Check out our new chest hair machine! It's not a chest hair machine, ReNaldo. It's an experiment to cure baldness using accelerated photons in a quantized fermion field to stimulate follicular generation. I'm sorry to dumb it down, I'm not trying to patronize you. But you said if I point it at my chest, it'll give me chest hair. I said, "Don't point it at your chest, "or it will give you chest hair. " But what if I want chest hair? Why would you want chest hair? So I can shave it. Barry, I thought you were working on my big plan to ask Cameron to the dance. And I am. I've rigged everything so that at exactly 8:46 this morning, the school's P. A. system will blast Cameron's favorite music Fist-pumping-jaw-droppers. The vents will flood the hall with his favorite smell Fist-pumping-jaw-dropper body spray. And finally the Pep Squad's confetti cannons will go off as the school's digital projector poses the query, "Will you go to the dance with me?" All you have to do is stand in front of Cameron's locker when it happens. My part's feeling kinda simple. Yes, well, we scientists like to limit the number of unstable variables, or what we call "people. " Naldo: Barry, I think it's working! (Whirring) That machine is not supposed to make your chest emit smoke. What if I want my chest to emit smoke? Why would you want your chest to emit smoke? 'Cause it looks cool. Ooh, somebody's barbecue-ing. That would be you. Ugh, I'm starving. Barry's gotta have something to eat around here. This plan to ask Cameron is gonna work, right? I mean, it's gotta work. It's got everything a great love story has. Music, confetti, body spray. Oh, no. What's that? (Crackling) (Screaming) What was that? The Chest Hair Machine just Both: Chest hair! I'm good. You? No more than I came in with. Phew. I was worried maybe that laser did something to us. I know it sounds crazy But time doesn't faze me Ever since it lost its hold on me Hey, hey Hung out till midnight Missed the curfew, that's all right I'm back to bed and right on time, you'll see Whenever You need me I'm right there with you Whenever There's something you wanna we do The clock is ticking but not for me I'm living in a different reality Whenever Whatever Wherever I'm right there with you I'm right there with you Hey, hey Why did you pull me away from the vending machine? You were taking forever. But I put the dollar in and it spit it out and I put the dollar in and it spit it out and I put the dollar in and it spit it out. I was so close! Shelby: Look! There's Cameron! He's so interesting to talk to. Probably. I don't care. Cyd, I know what you're thinking. Chimichangas. Wow, I was way off. Will you instead accept one of my best friend speeches? (Clears throat) "Cyd, after Cameron says yes and we're all BF/GF, "I just want you to know, "that nothing is going to get in the way of our friendship. " So if I'm to understand you correctly, there is no chimichangas? (Music playing) There's the fist-pumping-jaw-dropper. Fist-pumping-jaw-dropper body spray. I have to go stand in front of Cameron's locker like Barry said. Hey ya, Shelby! Got a minute? Actually it's gonna take more than a minute. I have no concept of time. I'm like a dog that way. I also sleep at the foot of my parents' bed, which is another way I'm like a dog. Marci, I don't have time for this! I got you. Go. Did I ever tell you how I learned I have a severe Styrofoam sensitivity? Gosh, your skin is healthy! I just wanna lick it. Barry: Cyd. When I returned to my lab, I couldn't help but notice you destroyed my laser. Yeah, Shelby said we should leave a note. But I was all, "He'll know it was us. " (Screams) (All whooping) Hey! Confetti, music, a sign. Solid ask. I would totally say yes to that! No! Cameron! Wait! Cyd, when that laser blasted ReNaldo, it was set at two. You guys were blasted at 400. There's no telling what could've happened. It could have sent you to another dimension or made you time travel or rendered you invisible! You're not invisible. Everything went wrong. I didn't even get to ask him. Aw, Shelby, that bites. I'm sorry. I never should have gotten out of bed this morning. Why are we in my bedroom? (Beeps) (Yelps) Is it this morning again? No. No, no, no. That is not possible! (Growling) Mom: Girls, time to get your Monday on! It is possible. I think we just time traveled! (Screaming) This can't be happening! It's just some sort of weird joint nightmare, but during the day. Like a daymare? Exactly! A daymare. There's no such thing as a daymare! Well, there has to be! Because otherwise that means we're really back to this morning! Wait, Barry said the laser that that blasted us could make us time travel. Or invisible. You're not invisible. We time traveled! Wait. Let's think about this. Maybe this is a good thing. We get to do today over again. We can fix everything that went wrong. I can re-ask Cameron to the dance! I can put on underwear! Come on, let's get to school! Ow. Our bodies! You spelled rock wrong. How'd she know that? Who the heck is Rick? Time travel's the best. Why did you think the vending machine was going to take your dollar this time? We can time travel and that's what's bumping you? Okay. I'm gonna go get in position. I am not messing things up with Cameron this time. Hey ya, Shelby! Oh, no. I got you! Go! So Marci, my girl, do you have a flat dollar bill? I'm talking vending machine flat. Sure do. My grandpappy gave it to me. It's the only thing I have left to remember him by. Great, thanks. (Music playing) (Screams) (Grunts) (Screams) The dance, huh? Solid ask. I'm in. Well, that's not good. That was my "solid ask. I'm in"! I can't believe this! Shelby, calm down. I mean, this is kind of funny when you think about it. I'm sure some day in the future we'll look back at this and laugh. (Laughs) You said "Some day in the future" and I think we're in the future now! Hey, maybe that's how it works. We think of a time, and we travel there. So if we wanna go back, we just have to think. Back to before. Nope. Back to before. Uh-uh. Back to before. Still here. Time travel is so hard! You guys are talking again? You haven't talked to each other in two years. It was the same day I lost my grandpappy's lucky dollar. Oh, just take it back. If we're here, where's the future us who hasn't talked in two years? I think we are future us! This must be how we looked to everyone. When we time travel, we enter our bodies from that time. This is a disaster! Why didn't you stop me from getting bangs? Because you've hated each other ever since the day Cyd asked Cameron to the dance. I didn't ask him! Well, he thought you did! But I would never go with him! Of course not. 'Cause Shelby said you weren't allowed. Not allowed? And then you told Shelby that she was too controlling. When have I ever been controlling? You dragged me out of bed, you wouldn't let me eat breakfast. Oh, come on, you're not mad about that. Now you're telling me what I'm mad about! Ooh, it's gettin' real. You won't let me unpack my stuff! You won't even let me hang my poster! Well, I'm sorry I don't want Zom-Bozo staring at me while I sleep! Well, I find him soothing! Now it's gettin' really real. It's my room! I thought it was our room! I never realized how selfish you are! I'm selfish. Because I don't want to live with a slob. Well, maybe this slob doesn't want to live with an uptight scrunch! Yo, I am having major deja vu here. This is exactly what happened two years ago when you and Cyd stopped being friends. You remember, the day you and I became best friends and made up our secret handshake. I'm pretty sure we don't have a How do I know this? And why did we make it so long? I can't believe Cyd and I got into such a big fight. We've never fought like that. I'm surprised you're still so mad she stole Cameron from you. It's not about Cameron. I mean, yes, I wanted to go to the dance with him because he's cute and cares about the environment just enough to be socially conscious but not so much where he's annoying about it. But Cyd didn't mean to get that date. It was a total accident. Then why were you fighting? Because I wanted to do things my way, and Cyd wanted to do things her way. It's been going on ever since she moved in. I've always wondered why you two were friends anyway. You're so different. I mean, Cyd likes to sleep late. (Chuckles) Yeah, she does. She'd miss school if I didn't drag her out of bed. I loved the feeling of her dead weight in my arms. She's a crank when she gets hungry. It's really the vending machine's fault. I mean, she put the dollar in. What else could she do? I just don't get it. The fact that we're so different has always been what's made us so perfect for each other. You know, I'm no psychologist but my sister's cousin is. A person who's met one. And she thinks that you being so different is why Cyd moved out. Cyd moved out? Of course. After that fight of yours, she moved in with another friend. Oh, we talked about this two years ago, but it sure is fun reliving good times. I can't believe I let things go so far. I've got to find Cyd. This was a terrible mistake. So you're saying our best friendship is built on a mistake? 'Cause I can live with that. You know what, I'm better off without Shelby. Yes, you are. No, I'm not! Shelby's the best! I love her! Yes, Shelby's the best. But she drives me crazy! You're no help at all! Can't you see how upset I am? Actually, no, I'm not great at interpreting facial expressions. Fortunately, I have these emotion cards to help me determine that you are bilious. Sanguine? Phlegmatic? Perhaps I should update these. They're from 1870. Hey, Cyd. Oh, my gosh, why the sad face? Wait, you got sad from that? Yeah, look. She's got the pouty lip and the squiggly brow. Oh, I think I see it. Now she's mad. Step back! Step back! Guys, I'm just upset my best friend and I aren't friends anymore. Please, it's been two years. Perhaps this will help, move on. No, Barry, if you care about somebody, you don't just give up on them. I can't tell if you're kidding or phlegmatic. Sometimes two things just belong together. Like when you mix this drippy blue with this jiggly yellow. I would not mix those. Of course you wouldn't. You're too much in here. In here, they come together to make something beautiful. We have exactly 20 seconds to get this into the blast box. I love the blast box. Hey. (Explosion) Naldo: That was awesome! Cyd, I'm really sorry I called you a slob. And I'm sorry I called you a scrunch. Which isn't even a word, and sometimes I make up words in anger. So we're friends again? Shelby, the whole reason I didn't go to Peru with my parents was because I was afraid we wouldn't be friends anymore, but in this future, we're not friends anyway. The minute I moved in with you, it just didn't work. Maybe we're too different. Maybe we're not meant to be friends. I was saving this for your wedding day, but now just feels right. "Today, we are here to celebrate the marriage "of my best friend Cyd and Channing Tatum. "Channing Tatum, sometimes you'll be bothered by Cyd's slobbiness. "But you're no peach either, C. T. "You can be pretty controlling, "and maybe even a scrunch. "So maybe you and Cyd are kinda different. "But here's the thing, "you don't love each other because of what you have in common. "What you have in common is that you love each other. " That was a really good speech. You got that I was Channing Tatum, right? Yeah, I put that together, Channing and I will never fight. I know, you guys are perfect for each other. (Chuckles) But so are we. Cyd, I don't want to lose you. And I don't want to lose you. You're the only best friend I've ever had. But I can't live in your room. It's not my room. It's our room. Do you really mean that? Cyd, you're the only best friend I ever want to have. We're back. Don't drop me. Sorry! (Alarm beeping) (Growls) Mom: Girls, time to get your Monday on! I was just thinking about how I wish we could start today over. And we hugged! Maybe that's it! We think about a time while we're hugging or touching or something. That must be how it works. Did we just figure out time travel? I think we did. Well, come on, we gotta get to school so you can ask Cameron to the dance. You know, suddenly Cameron doesn't seem all that important. Let's stay here and put up some of your stuff in our room. Together. Wow, that was cheesy. You love it when I'm cheesy. You're just so good at it. I am good at it. (Both chuckle) Oh, no. I just realized that the projector, the confetti cannon, and the fist-pumping-jaw-dropper are still set up at school! The dance, huh? Solid ask! I'm in. I don't know who you are or how this happened, but I'm gonna go with it. Putting this stuff up is gonna be a ton of work. Ooh, let's jump forward in time to when it's all done! How great is time travel? You know, you can put clothes in your dresser. Then where would Diesel live? (Barks and burps) I'm sure I'll get used to this someday in the future. (Both screaming) Was that the future? We're gonna need to figure out what that was and what it means and how to avoid it. We have to talk to Barry about this. Cyd, to celebrate your beauty We prepared a little dance for you. We're definitely skipping over this. (Both panting) He's Big Brett! He's Big Chet! Both: Goodnight! We made a mistake. We need to go back and see what the heck that was.