A Bird in a Gilded Cage/Transcript

SCULL BAR
(Caroline is cleaning up from her fight with Stefan the night before when Enzo walks in)

ENZO: A hard knock life, isn't it?

CAROLINE: Don't walk there. Ugh! (grabbing a mop) I just washed that.

ENZO: My apologies, Cinderella. What are you doing?

CAROLINE: Stefan and I had a moment. Things broke in the process, and now I'm returning the Scull Bar to the way we found it.

ENZO: Uh, the whole point of flipping your humanity switch is that you don't care how you leave things.

CAROLINE: (sighs) I go to school here, Enzo. I want to keep going to school here, and the second that I draw any suspicions -- break-ins, broken property, dead bodies -- people will try to interrupt my routine. Then I will end up rotting in a cell somewhere instead of what I should be doing, which is preparing for my audition tomorrow.

ENZO: You, Caroline Forbes, vampire without humanity, auditioning for the school play?

CAROLINE: Musical. And obviously, duh. I'm a drama major. And what are you doing here?

ENZO: Find my Phone led me here, though it didn't explain why your stick little fingers needed it last night.

CAROLINE: Because you're the only one with Sarah Salvatore's phone number.

ENZO: Why'd you need Sarah's number?

CAROLINE: To use her life as leverage to convince Stefan to shut his humanity switch off too.

ENZO: (concerned) That's both clever and deeply unsettling. Tell me she's still alive.

CAROLINE: She's alive, assuming she survived any infections resulting from Liam's amateur surgery.

ENZO: (realizing his revenge plan won't work) Which means Stefan's humanity's a thing of the past.

CAROLINE: Like I said, I will stop at nothing to maintain my routine, so I suggest that you stay away. Now if you don't mind, (hands Enzo the mop) I need to prepare for my audition.

(Caroline leaves and Enzo turn around, contemplating a solution.)

SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE
(Damon is sitting in the living room. A motorcycle engine is heard and Stefan opens the door and walks in.)

DAMON: How was the rave?

STEFAN: Oh, you know, loud, lame, rave-like.

DAMON: Anything I should know or anything you'd like to talk about bro to bro?

STEFAN: Where do we keep our weapons?

DAMON: Pardon? (gets up)

STEFAN: Crossbows, vervain grenades, all that hunter crap Jeremy was into? Ah! Yes! The throne.

(Stefan walks over to a chair and opens a hidden compartment full of weapons. He packs some weapons into a bag. Damon vamps over to Stefan and tries to inject him with vervain, but Stefan catches his hand.)

STEFAN: Elena told on me. Shocker.

DAMON: Not a good time for a humanity flip, brother. (Stefan breaks his hand and he drops the vervain syringe)

STEFAN: Do yourself a favor. Stay out of my way today.

(Stefan leaves and closes the door as Damon snaps his hand back into place. Damon hears Stefan drove off on his motorcycle throws a vase to the ground in frustration.)

(TITLE CARD AND OPENING CREDITS)

WHITMORE MEDICAL CENETER
(Sarah is lying in a hospital bed and Jo is tending to her.)

JO: Whoa, easy.

SARAH: Where am I?

JO: You're at Whitmore Medical Center. I'm Dr. Laughlin.

SARAH: Last night...

JO: You had a little too much to drink. A professor found you passed out on the quad.

SARAH: I sort of remember that. It was like a spring break kickoff rave. (Jo nods and she starts to get up) I should get home.

JO: Actually, I need you to sit tight. We need to look after you for a while. You lost a lot of fluids last night. Okay? (Sarah reluctantly lies back down and Jo leaves the room as Sarah checks her arm)

(Jo is outside Sarah's room talking to Alaric.)

JO: For the record, I am not okay with turning my hospital into a supernatural holding cell.

ALARIC: Okay, look. It's the first day of spring break. The campus is like a ghost town. Besides, we need to keep her out of harm's way until Elena's blood is out of her system. Unless, of course, you want to invite another Salvatore vampire to our wedding.

JO: I'm starting to think eloping is the way to go.

ALARIC: Heh, yeah. Yeah, me too. (they kiss) Look, she's been compelled to forget last night. And soon, she'll be back at Duke, safe with no idea what happened and no one the wiser.

JO: Huh, Duke. That's not bad. It's a little obnoxious but kind of in a cute way, you know? Little Duke.

ALARIC: Whoa. Wait. We're thinking baby names?

JO: You haven't been?

ALARIC: No. I have! No. I have. I totally have.

JO: Name one.

ALARIC: (tries to think) Josette Jr.

JO: Get out of here. (she kisses him) I have rounds. (they walk in opposite directions)

SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE
(Elena walks in to Damon striking furniture with a poker.)

ELENA: Damon. What are you doing?

DAMON: Looking for a... healthy outlet for my rage. (knocks down a lamp, shocking Elena) I haven't found it yet. Stefan without his humanity is one artery away from Stefan the ripper, and every day that goes by is one year of guilt waiting for him on the other side.

ELENA: Yeah. Well, not to add to our growing pile of bad news, but we didn't just lose Stefan. We lost our chance to spark Caroline's humanity. Turns out he was her emotional trigger. (Damon offers her the poker) No thanks.

DAMON: Well, take it away from me. Because I'm seconds away from using it on this. (grabs the video camera that Bonnie brought back from the prison world)

ELENA: (takes the poker and sets it down) Who is that?

DAMON: This... (shows Elena the camera) is Lillian Salvatore.

ELENA: Your mother is alive? (takes the camera for a closer look)

DAMON: Yep. Turns out she's been in a prison world snapshot of 1903 for over a century.

ELENA: Your mother is alive.

DAMON: Oh, yeah. Alive and well. Not in the pine box that I thought I buried her in in 1858. And apparently, she's a vampire and not just any kind of vampire either-

ELENA: Damon, your mother is alive!

DAMON: She's a ripper, Elena. Makes perfect sense. Stefan was always such a mama's boy.

ELENA: How much of a mama's boy?

DAMON: He would have hanged himself with mother's apron strings if it meant her approval. We both would. We loved her. She was our world.

(Elena smiles at him)

DAMON: What? No. No way.

ELENA: This is our way to get Stefan back! You can't tell me that his mother isn't an emotional trigger.

DAMON: Elena, this woman killed so many people that an entire coven of witches built her a permanent timeout! You don't fix one ripper problem by unleashing another ripper.

ELENA: Think about it. If this works, we don't just get Stefan and Caroline back. We get your mother back. Aren't you even a little curious to see her?

DAMON: I might know a few witches that could help.

WHITMORE COLLEGE, DORM ROOM
(Damon is standing at the door of the room)

BONNIE: I'm not helping you. (Tries to shut the door on his face but Damon puts his leg in between.)

DAMON: Ow.

BONNIE: I hate Kai, and you know that, and the first thing you did when I got back was throw him in my face to fake apologize.

DAMON: Yeah, and then I real apologized for being a dick.

BONNIE: And here you are less than 24 hours later asking me to work with him.

DAMON: Bonnie, we need Kai to get to 1903, and we need Bennett blood to do the damn spell. Listen. We go in, we grab my mom, she flips Stefan's switch, he triggers Caroline, emotional dominoes, heyy! Everybody wins.

BONNIE: If I give you my blood, will you just get out of my face?

DAMON: Probably, although I think you're gonna want to join us. Stick with me, Bonnie Bennett. I might just have the answer to all your prayers.

COFFEE HOUSE
KAI: You want the 1903 Ascendant. Well, sure. Just let me reach in my pocket and pull it out.

BONNIE: If you're sincerely looking for a way to make up for the hell that you put me through, this is it.

KAI: Okay. The problem is the Gemini kept the existence of the 1903 prison world a secret for generations, so find the key to that particular jail cell, I'd have to navigate ancient texts, undo layers of magical cloaking spells, and... Wait. (reaches into his pockets and pulls out the ascendant) Oh, that's weird. Ha ha! It was in my pocket. When Damon told me about mama Salvatore, I started looking, and if I wanted to, (Bonnie reaches for the ascendant, but Kai pulls his hand back) I could get her out. Newly minted leader of the Gemini coven and all, I don't even need a celestial event to zap us there. (sets the ascendant on the table)

BONNIE: Okay. So what's the catch?

KAI: I'll go if you go. Come on. It could be fun, you know, 1903, the--the Gilded Age. Didn't you ever dream about time travel?

BONNIE: I would rather die of cholera than spend an afternoon with you.

KAI: You're way more likely to die at the hands of your gal pal Caroline. I bet it will be over something stupid like she stops doing laundry, and you make some snippy comment, and she snips off your tongue. I'm mean, if only there were some way to reunite her with her humanity.

(Bonnie is contemplating her decision)

WHITMORE AUDITORIUM
(Caroline is auditioning in front of the director, who is taking notes)

CAROLINE: ♪Maybe there's somewhere, a lesson to learn. But that wouldn't change the fact, that wouldn't speed the time. Once the foundation's cracked, and I'm still hurting.♪ (wipes a tear and turns off the music) Hello? Pretty sure I crushed that.

(The director's head falls off and Stefan is sitting behind him. He slow claps as Caroline shields her eyes from the light to see who it is.)

STEFAN: Moving. Truly. Although it did lack a certain, um, authenticity.

CAROLINE: What the hell are you doing? That was the director!

STEFAN: And you are a vampire without humanity, singing about heartbreak.

CAROLINE: It's a performance, Stefan.

STEFAN: (as he speaks, he gets up and walks down the stairs towards the stage) It sure is, Caroline. Especially this carefully crafted good student routine, straight and narrow, anything to keep you from making a mistake you might regret one year from now when you flip your switch back on. Oh, except the whole ruining my life part.

CAROLINE: Well, if your humanity's off, then you shouldn't really care how I deal.

STEFAN: No, no, no. See, that's where you're wrong because like you, I'm prone to doing bad things when my humanity is off, but unlike you, I don't have an elaborate system to keep me in check.

CAROLINE: Well that's not my problem.

STEFAN: Well, I'm making it your problem. If my life is gonna fall apart when my humanity starts flooding back, then so is yours. When I'm done with you, you'll be drowning in mistakes.

CAROLINE: (walks toward Stefan) This is seriously about revenge?

STEFAN: Yes, it is. And this, (holds up his hands, which are covered in blood) this is a control freak's worst nightmare. This is me undoing your routine. This is me... (Stefan wipes blood onto Caroline's lips, causing her face to vamp out) forcing you to let go one day at a time until you break. (he leaves the auditorium)

SALVATORE BOARDING HOUSE
(Bonnie and Kai are dressed in attire for colder climate as Bonnie is cutting her palm with a large knife to draw blood for the spell to travel to 1903.)

KAI: Damn. Crocodile Dundee called. He wants his knife back.

BONNIE: Yeah. You know, he's no longer a thing, and neither is that joke. (Damon walks in wearing a coat)

KAI: Ouch.

(Bonnie sheaths the knife and drips blood on the ascendant. Elena walks in wearing a coat.)

ELENA: Is this presentable attire by 1903 standards?

DAMON: Whoa. Who said you're coming?

ELENA: To meet the woman who gave birth to the two epic loves of my life? Me.

KAI: Powerful as I am, there's a limit to how many people one witch can transport with this spell.

BONNIE: Right, which is why there's two of us. Shall we?

DAMON: Fine. Let's go get mama.

(Everyone joins hands.)

KAI: ''Sangiema meam et nos mundo carcerema. Sangiema meam et nos mundo carcerema.''

(Everyone is transported to the 1903 prison world without the ascendant.)

1903 PRISON WORLD
(Damon, Elena, Bonnie, and Kai are outdoors in a snowy Mystic Falls.)

DAMON: Well, isn't this a picturesque slice of hell?

BONNIE: You guys go ahead. Kai and I will start the locator spell on the ascendant.

ELENA: But Kai just had the ascendant. Why do we have to find another one?

KAI: The ascendant can't travel between worlds, which means we gotta find its mirror image here in 1903.

DAMON: (sarcastically, as he zips up his jacket) Page 10 on the world-jumping rulebook. Shall we? (walks off)

ELENA: I don't want to leave you alone with him.

BONNIE: I'll be fine. (Kai is catching snow on his tongue) He's good now, remember? New leaf. (she goes to join Damon)

KAI: New leaf? You believe me.

BONNIE: Hell no. But Damon and Elena need to meet his mom alone. So shut up and let's find the ascendant. (holds up her hand)

WHITMORE
(Stefan is walking over to his motorcycle. He takes his helmet and gets on, but it falls apart. He looks in confusion and Caroline walks out.)

CAROLINE: Oh, shoot. Is your bike okay? (Stefan gets off) Do you need money for the bus?

STEFAN: Seriously?

CAROLINE: I just had to stuff the director's body into a furnace. Do you know how hard it was to get an audition during spring break?

STEFAN: Oh, come on. It was easy for you, Caroline. All you had to do was shed some tears about your mom's funeral, play the cancer card, and boom -- your precious routine is back on track. (gets down to put his bike back together) Am I wrong?

CAROLINE: This is your only warning. Go away.

STEFAN: Neat, organized Caroline. Staying within the lines. Good at control, terrible at revenge.

CAROLINE: I dismantled your bike.

STEFAN: I tore your director's head off with my teeth. Oh, my God. Caroline, literally just unbolt this damn thing? I mean, it's gonna take me, what, 10 minutes to put this back together? You are an embarrassment to humanity-free vampires everywhere.

(Caroline walks over to punch a hole in the gas tank and walks away.)

RIC'S OFFICE
(Alaric is trying to come up with baby names, writing down a list when his phone rings. It's Jo.)

ALARIC: Okay. So I've got a few. You ready?

JO: Actually, I thought about it, and anyone named Alaric should not be allowed to name another human.

ALARIC: Uh, I didn't name me.

JO: True. Okay. You can have veto power.

ALARIC: Good. Well, then I veto Duke.

JO: Haha.

(Enzo knocks and comes in.)

ALARIC: Uh, let me call you right back. (hangs up) What are you doing here?

ENZO: Really hoping you got enough vervain to get blondie and her cohort from here to the Salvatore cellar without further drama.

ALARIC: You do realize I'm a human, right? Up against two vampires without remorse?

ENZO: Ah. I see. Your girl has got a bun in the oven, and now you've gone all gun-shy. Vamp hearing.

ALARIC: You know, I'd actually like my child to grow up with a father.

ENZO: Granted, a cowardly father. Probably play catch and run from the ball or go fishing an flee from the fish.

ALARIC: I have weapons in my apartment.